You know our senses right, do you know the sense of self? I think maybe because this isn’t a sense that we are born with, but rather one that we acquire through life, that people forget that along with loving others we need to also love ourselves. I think that fear of failure is something that is a result of failing to give ourselves self love, its something that has held me back from everything I’ve ever started.
“along with loving others..we need to also love ourselves”
The ideas of self- love and fear of failure have been coming up in my life so much lately, in conversation, in blogs, in Will Smith videos, so I feel like I want to share my thoughts about this. I was reading through a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Niki Meadows, where she shares an article written by wellness coach, Dona Winger. This article is so powerful, she talks about how remembering to love ourselves will allow us to overcome when we are facing the fear of failure. It got me thinking about the way these ideas have presented themselves and held me back my entire life.
Growing up I used to have some hobbies that I did really enjoy. I’ve mentioned before that I used to love dance, I used to cheer, I tried track, I played softball and I did gymnastics for like two months. I was really good at many of these, and going to be really great at a few a them if I hadn’t given up at the first sight of things starting to get hard. I quit dance, because starting pointe lessons was way harder than I thought, and required so much discipline and confidence. Track, because I’m to prissy to build stamina, dedicate myself to work outs, and too afraid of running like a girl. Gymnastics, because I didn’t like the thought of potentially hurting myself while learning to flip. The list of excuses really goes on, but overall I began to get so afraid to try and to make mistakes that I told myself that I couldn’t do any of these things. I placed this made up fear in my mind that I couldn’t do these things that I loved.
It really just followed me from then on, like when I switched high schools I didn’t want to cheer anymore, when I went to college I was so scared to try out for the dance team. Anyone who knows me knows that these were things that I literally used to live for and I could never figure out why I couldn’t push myself to do them anymore. It’s because my sense of self was totally lost and along with that went the loss of my own goals and aspirations, the loss of my ambition, the loss of my interests, all of the things that made me who I was.
What I failed to do was lift myself up and give myself the confidence that I could work through the hard seasons of chasing a dream, and instead I fed my mind lies that I just couldn’t do it. When I was frustrated, I failed to just relax, take a break, and give myself what I needed to regroup and recover from the hard days or from the criticisms. You have to give yourself what you need in order to get back into the swing of things when you get knocked down, because you will get knocked down! And the fear of getting back up cannot allow you to quit.
It wasn’t until I started writing that I really realized that I had this fear of failure, because it held me back from starting my blog. From the minute I ever picked up a journal as I kid it was always, what if someone reads this? And then later with my blog it was the same, what if someone reads this? what if they think this? What if that? But I began to make the conscious effort to stop myself when I began to tell myself that I couldn’t, and to rewind and tell my mind that I could. The mind is powerful and I knew that if there was one thing I wanted to go for and really wanted to pursue, it was writing. I wouldn’t allow myself to go through life wondering what it would be like if I would’ve blogged, because I too often wonder what life would be like if I would’ve danced or got into competitive cheer. I had to put all of the fears aside, and let myself do what I love. If that means taking a break on days when I’m tired, or just holding off on working on a blog to unwind with a movie when I’m burnt out, I do it. I now do whatever it takes for me to get back up later, because I love myself and I never want to lose this sense ever again. In anything I want to pursue.
Yes, the fear of failure can stop us from all of those things in life that were worth trying, but could easily give up when given the opportunity. However, the fear of failure canNOT get in the way of going for what we’re truly passionate about. Sense of self is like our true sixth sense, it involves constantly loving ourselves and willing our minds so that it won’t allow us to give up.