Blogmas day 11: Get back to, you.

Blogmas day 11: Get back to, you.

Sighh!

Christmas shopping is actually really annoying. Luckily I live close to the mall, but why are the stores so crowded every single time of day? I can see why people just save themselves the trouble and just shop online, but then what do I do when I need tangible things? I have to touch and sniff everything I need!

Honestly, after adding this to my day I just need to come home and clean up to clear my mind. I need to do repetitive stuff to clear my mind, it’s like it’s so easy to focus on without actually focusing on it. It’s pretty strange, but I love cleaning it’s so good for anxiety. I digress, but for a good purpose. I’m just trying to stress the fact that I need to recharge myself and recollect when I get home. I need to go sit by myself and daydream. No music no nothing just chill, relax, breathe.

There’s just something so intangible about taking the time to just sit and understand yourself, understand your own feelings. I love being able to, but I think it took a lot of practice to sit and listen to myself and actually hear what I’m saying. I guess I really need that time in my day because other people’s vibes and energies can be so draining. Its like they’re just projecting on to me all day, it is so stressful. That’s why I hate the stores!

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Maybe that’s why people meditate and what have you to help with things like that…I don’t know. I just never understood how important it was for me until like, just now. I just like to take the time to just recharge and get back to, ya know, me.

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-XoReminissy

Blogmas Day 4: Keep Up the Momentum.

Blogmas Day 4: Keep Up the Momentum.

Okay, so my attempt at Blogmas didn’t quite go as planned being that I only did day one so far, and it really wasn’t even Christmas related, and that’s okay I make my own rules! I digress but, I’m going to get back on it. It’s actually harder than I thought to blog every day because some days I just don’t feel inspired. Either I’m tired from my day, got sidetracked or I just don’t feel that bloggy. 

But even though we are tired, it’s said that we shouldn’t spend all day working for someone else and then come home and not work on our own dreams and aspirations. Hmm, that’s true. Of course, the pressure of life’s demands can get overwhelming at times, and it seems like there’s just not enough time to fit in what we want to do after spending so much time doing everything we have to do. Yea, everything we planned to do sounds great in our minds, but once we get around to it, our bodies are telling us something different. Lay down, get to it later. I mean, more than once a week I get up for work and I’m just like no, and I get off from work and I’m just like no, then I get home from work and I’m just like no! I don’t wanna!

We’re working towards our dream job, one that when we get it won’t actually feel like work. On the other hand, we’ve all had jobs that we don’t particularly like or what we’re doing has nothing to do with our degrees. It doesn’t make sense to us, but sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do. We take that job serving nights in college so we can work and go to school, we work that internship before serving for no pay so we can get that experience, we take that entry- level opportunity after school just to get our feet wet. These sacrifices enable us to save a little room to grow later.

There comes a time where we should consider the things that we aren’t satisfied with in life and find ways to change it. It’s hard because we have to learn how to use the things that we are unsatisfied with, to enable us to chase our dreams. Make the sacrifice and push yourself then keep up the momentum! Make a schedule and stick to it, set attainable goals, but don’t sell yourself short. Working on our own goals should make putting up with the things that enable us to work on our dreams worth it in the end. Because it will be worth it in the end!

I’m back on for Blogmas y’all!

-XOReminissy

Blogmas Day 1: Time Flies

Blogmas Day 1: Time Flies

Wow time is flying, I can’t even believe it’s December already! With the New Year approaching I feel like this is the first time in my life where actually felt myself growing up. It seems like something clicked and now my mind is maturing, my body is evolving, I just feel something different in my soul.

As the days pass, I’m starting to realize that some things in life just aren’t worth fighting about, being stressed out about or arguing over. There’s so many things that are so much greater than your own situation and you never know what other people are going through in their daily lives. Everyday we’re hearing about mass shootings, riots, racism, violence, disasters. There’s people in our own country living without clean water to drink and living in sickness and without electricity. I just thank God in the mornings for waking me up each day.

Lately, I find myself thinking a lot about growing up, random little snippets of my childhood keep coming back to me and it seems like so long ago. It’s funny I’ll just hear a song or do something that reminded me of something else. Then I start thinking, damn it really is true that life is too short. Looking back 10 years ago feels like looking back yesterday and you be like, oh shit that was 10 years ago. But it’s crazy how we feel so young still.

We’re not so young anymore! On social media scrolling I see all my family and friends from back home growing up, getting married and starting families and I’m like damn, this is really what happens when you grow up. Pretty soon it’s probably going to be me, and I’m just patiently waiting my turn at these new chapters of life. I’ve just been feeling like all these feelings I’ve repressed from the past about family and friends and different situations doesn’t even matter anymore, because none of it is helping me move forward. It’s actually hurting me and hindering me from just living my best life and becoming who I’m supposed to be. I’m tired of letting how I grew up and people who’ve let me down dictate how I feel going about life in general, it’s just too depressing and I’m trying to move on.

Life is precious. I look at my family and I see them in a different way now. A little older in the face, more fragile and I get a little bit sad inside, because it seems like so much time has passed. I start thinking about all the time we wasted being mad and holding grudges and now we’re older and we can’t rekindle our relationships the way its supposed to happen naturally. It’s sad, because I wish I could go back and spend more time with family. I feel like I have a whole family out that I never even knew and probably will never know. I wish I could go back and change so many things, but time just goes on.

I feel like in another life I was born into a different time, a simpler time. I know that maybe I have always been different in my ways than my friends, and it used to scare me, because I just wanted to think like my age instead of my age plus like 20. Instead of enjoying myself I wanted everybody around me to understand me. Understand what I needed to be me. Understand what I needed to really be content with my life in general. All I need in life is Love, Solace and Organization. Solace + Love + Organization = Happiness. I need time alone with my thoughts, I need the kind of love that’s compassionate and empathetic and comforting and willing and delicate, and God if I don’t need organization, in every part of my life I don’t know what else. I know I found my happiness though and I love it. I love him, my Fabo. I never had to change any aspect of who I am for him and that’s why I feel like I’m starting to become who I really am. I feel like everything’s aligned and I’ve suddenly found my glory.

I didn’t know that growing into a woman would feel like this, finally paying more attention to the things in life that truly make me happy. I’m not even thinking about things I was 10 years ago. All the time I was crying over things that didn’t matter and constantly living in past, I never knew that one day I’d one day become someone so different who could love someone so differently, or shift my focus to the present. Now that December is here and the holidays are near I just want to focus on being a better person, focus on family and keeping everybody close. It’ll be a new year before we know it, and next year we’ll be looking back on how much more we’ve grown. Who will you become?

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-XOReminissy