Seasons Change.

Seasons Change.

I guess my light must’ve been shinning bright today, I think I’m finally ready to write.

It kind of feels like I escaped. Like when your goldfish jumps out of its little fish bowl, I came out gasping for air to breathe. Back then I didn’t have the choice of whether to leave or go, well at least I thought I didn’t. It’s strange though, even the leaves are different here, they’re scattered about everywhere covering the streets. They’re falling bright yellows, reds and orange. Where am I? The air is brisk too, but I can finally really feel the seasons changing again, it’s hitting my senses pretty hard.

Even with life in the fast lane, I’ve always loved the park. I could come here sit for hours, kick my feet up and swing for hours, sit on a bench talk for hours, rustle in the leaves for hours. I feel like a kid again. What can I say, I’m from the city and we don’t mind being outside. Not much laziness around here. I guess there’s something freeing about letting nature just take all your pain. It was like flushing the toilet to the biggest shit of my life.

Good-bye Virginia.

Good writ-tens, I couldn’t stand waking up every morning facing the remnants of pain day after day. Why do it to myself? At least here the memories are faded, but even when I look back, there’s a happiness within them. I can look back at everything and smile. Virginia was just bad for my whole spirit, it drained me of all this precious energy. So what can I say, when the opportunity presented itself I took it. And then viola, I’m gone. Back to who I am, back to who I’ve always been.

And suddenly, life.

Suddenly, realness. I can finally regain some sanity.

All I can say is assimilation is a real thing. It’s something I’ve learned about, but never realized to be true until now. I had assimilated, I turned myself into this other person to fit in. With Virginians. But I told y’all I’ve been missing my people. I knew there was a new city calling me, but I didn’t think it was my own. I felt like it would be strange to come back, and I do feel strange. But, it’s just overwhelming to finally be back in a place I call home.

It’s been 8 long years. Really, really long years. And on my life’s journey, I’ve went through a lot of tough shit that lead me back to here. I’m grateful. I’ve been praying for this, and it all happened so fast that it was shocking when it was unfolding right before my eyes. It was the route seldom taken; go back to from where I came.

It’s cold out here yo, it’s really fucking cold, and this chill in the air ain’t nothing like no normal wind, this that bitter cold. I guess that’s hat’s why we really ain’t got time for shit. Like bye, always keeping it moving.

I’m really never going back, I left my keys to my apartment along with some other Anissa, and drove away.

I never looked back, and I’m never going to.

This is my path, I’m only moving forward. Oh hello Jersey, Nissy’s home. 💋

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Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth| Mileka

Hey y’all,

I wanted to share this series from Tekia from Myvicariouslifeblog on Cultivating Confidence with you again, because this type of empowerment is important and I salute that. This topic especially, is something that hits home really hard for me. It may be hard for people to understand unless you too have been through a separation or a divorce as a child.

I was intrigued by the effect of being a product of a single parent home growing up. In school, I always did my research papers on emotional effects of divorce, because I wanted to know why I am the way I am. I’m glad she’s back again and this time covering daddy issues and the long term effects of daughters’ growing up with fathers who aren’t around as much as they should be.

People like to joke around about this, but its a real thing. The impact of these feelings of filling this type of void often leads to attachment in relationships, at least in my case it did.

There’s a reason behind it all.

Read about Mileka’s story here!

1. Tell us a little bit about yourself + where do you reside and what it is you do? Where can we find you on social media? Hello, my name is Mileka, I am 25 years old and I was born/reside from a small town called West Point, MS. I am a one year graduate from […]

via Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth| Mileka —

Not Sorry.

Not Sorry.

I got fired from Hand and Stone yesterday, apparently I wasn’t performing well, because I don’t put on this elaborate performance for the clients to get them to sign up for memberships. “Your work ethic is great, and you could be great at sales, I know you could, but you’re too nice.” That’s what they always say.

Well I’m sorry, I am who I am.

That’s the problem, I’m uncomfortable when I’m not me and they all want me to be somebody I’m not. This is not a show,  I’m not a character in my own life, and sometimes I feel like I’m a whole character on someone else’s show. They want me to be fake. They want to tailor me for their brand. Well I’m sorry, I’m my own brand,  all I know how to be is me.

Everybody gets the same me.

I’m the same me at work, at home, at church, in the street, in school, wherever. I’m me, period.

I’m a writer.

So what did I do on my first day fired? I went and treated myself to a spa pedicure and a full set and got back to work. On my blog.

I’m just tired, and I’m a little angry too, because I wish everybody would stop trying to censor me. They want me to censor my blog, and what I say. They want me to be careful of what employers or family members might see. Well I’m sorry, I talk about my life here, this is real life here.

I keep telling myself, I should chill because I’ve been going off, but really this is nothing new to me. This is everything that’s been on my mind and everything that’s been left unsaid. Every time I bite my tongue, the unspoken words come back to haunt me and I have no choice but to shake them loose.

Now I’ve spilled the beans and my thoughts are spilling everywhere, its hard to contain them. Its hard to contain my individuality and the fucks I don’t give about anything other than my passions. But I am a Gemini, an air sign at its finest too, so I should’ve known I could get like this. I’m a deep, deep thinker. Sometimes I get caught in my different perspectives and it makes it hard to think straight, and then the indecision leaves me stagnant. But I enjoy sitting on clouds, day dreaming, and sometimes its hard to keep my feet on the ground; but when I hit the floor believe I take off running.

The devil has been working lately, it’s been a series of unfortunate events that had me tripping but, that’s fine. I’m smiling inside, because I know on the other side of this, there’s something crazy that I’m being prepared for. All of these storms and craziness that’s swept through my life, and I come out triumphant every time. Empowered through speaking my truth.

No more.

I’ve been feeling inspired lately, seems that the stars are finally aligned and amazing things are happening. My mindset has become more of a make a decision and make it with my whole heart, kind of thing, and if I fail I bet I learned a valuable lesson so I accept it.

I should’ve freed my soul a long time ago, because once I started living again, I felt alive. You do receive the energy you put out, and I wish I knew before, because I once I released these creative vibes, that’s that I got back. You’re in charge here, its all about balance and flow. What energy are you allowing to come into your life? What are you putting up with? When you find negative energy, you have to nip it, before it brings you down. Shift your focus.

I wear many hats, but there are very few that bring me peace and happiness. I’ve found that all my problems arise when I throw all my good energy into the things that aren’t important to me, I feel shackled, and I’m left so burnt out I don’t even have energy to give back to myself.

Well I’m sorry, not anymore.

I should’ve said what was on my mind a long time ago. I’m fired, and I don’t know what’s happening, but I feel good. The truth does set you free and this is real life here, speak it.💋

 

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Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth| Jessica Gordon —

Yay, I love featuring other blogs on my site!

I was inspired today by Takeia from Myvicariouslifeblog after reading her interview, where she had the opportunity to speak some real truths. My heart was actually breaking, reading about some of her experiences and what she’s has had to overcome in life. She’s proof that when you endure, you will overcome, but only if you never give up and always remember what you are striving for. I have developed a mission for iReminiss: To motivate and encourage others to speak their truths and heal themselves from within. This post reminded me why I write, and what motivates me to share my stories and to let it all hang out.

Though my blog is for everyone, I do believe that all women, especially the youth need mentors and role models. We need women to focus more on coming together and empowering one another, and practice giving our strength to one another. We need more women lifting each other up, rather than stealing each others light and tearing each other down.

I left a comment on Takeia’s post that women have the strength to endure so much, always working two and three jobs, taking care of others, nurturing toxic relationships, birthing children, neglecting ourselves, and we still manage to pick our million pieces up off the ground. Though it’s difficult at times, we need to cultivate confidence in one another and encourage our women to heal themselves from within.

Check out Takeia’s post on cultivating confidence, while struggling with your truths! 💋

1. Tell us a little bit about yourself + where do you reside and what it is you do? Where can we find you on social media? Greetings! My name is Jessica Gordon and I live in Charlotte, NC. I am a new mom and wife and an Educator for a large, urban public school […]

via Cultivating confidence; while struggling with your truth| Jessica Gordon —

Dream.

Dream.

 

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”

-Henry David Thoreau

Wise words from Walden.

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”

In case anyone needed the courage to dream today. 💋

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Winning Starts With Beginning… — When I’ m With You… Whitney Ibe Blog!

Happy Sunday!

And just like that the season has shifted.

Winning starts with beginning.

Let that sink in.

I enjoyed reading this today, it kind of went along with my theme for the week that you cannot give up no matter what. Even when you feel like every step you take goes in vain, each incremental step forward adds up to something greater. Keep moving forward, try new things, meet new people, create new experiences. Conquer the little steps and thrive off of the small victories you take.

I receive this Whitney, thanks for sharing with us. Everyone head over to Whitney Ibe Blog to read the full blog post, always one of my favorite blogs to feature. 💋

Winning starts with beginning…

via Winning Starts With Beginning… — When I’ m With You… Whitney Ibe Blog!

You.

You.

I was listening to some old Mary J. Blige today and it started hitting me so hard. Her music evokes something in you, you get a glimpse of her soul and all she’s been through. It kind of forces you to look inside yourself, and face your burdens, it takes me back to a place where pain resides. Maybe I need to let it go, maybe its hindering me from really moving forward and moving on. But I must say I’m still a little bitter.

I just wish I never met you.

I think everyday that I wouldn’t be here right now in this predicament, picking up all these shattered pieces of my world if it weren’t for you. I get even more angry when I think about how you just get to go back to your fake life before me, and pretend like all of this never happened. I wonder who you’re pretending to be now.

Last time I heard from you, you sent me a sorry ass email telling me how you’ll always love me and how I’ll always have a special space in your heart. I deleted it, because I don’t want a space in your heart.  In your toxic love. What I want are my chains back, the one my dad gave me and especially the gold one that I bought for your birthday. How do you even look still wearing it, a token of my love that you didn’t even deserve. Holding onto that little glimmer of hope that I’ll be back for you some day?

I won’t.

I’ll be glad if I never see your face again.

I agree, my reaction was very delayed. It took a while to overcome this sick attachment to you, and I was completely blinded by shock and pain. But my nightingale was no longer singing. Only thing left singing in the end was my battered soul, my broken heart and my tarnished mind frame filled with a long list of regrets, all initialed FD.

Ya know, I hope you sleep really well at night knowing you succeeded in ruining my life and everything I had going for myself. Was it my potential? Were you threatened by my potential? You’d prefer to have me blending in in the shadows, than unleash me and let me fly. Well you can’t keep a bird caged for long. I guess you got all you came for, and great you developed an attachment to me too. It was never love. It’s crazy, because I had never been chosen before, and you were real choosy too. I guess God chose you to be my lesson, maybe because everything felt too good to be true from the start so I should’ve known.

I think God sent some people recently to tell me not to give up, and not to give up on writing. I appreciated it, because I needed to hear it and I’ve been wanting to give up on everything. Lately its been feeling like every step forward leads me somewhere backward, somewhere I’ve been before, back to pain.

Thank you for getting me wrapped up in pain.

But you know what pain creates, and how pain creates? Pain creates masterpieces.

You, little boy in a man’s body, I hope you become a better man someday. I hope you learn how to treat a woman, how to cherish and provide. I’m leaving this here today, because I don’t ever want you to contact me again. I’m not even going to mention you again. Don’t worry all the photos are gone, and the hand full of good times doesn’t make up for the ripple effects of this pain that you sucked me into. I shouldn’t even have to say it, you know who you are.