Life lyrics in a Song

Life lyrics in a Song


Happy Monday!

My sister shared this thread from a twitter post with me and it was talking about the different soulmates you meet during your life, and I absolutely know its true that you can have more than one soulmate, both romantic and platonic. Getting older I’ve realized that all relationships are about connections. I think growing up and going through trials has always brought forth the people in my life that know a different side of me, a more intuitive side. I get taken aback when I talk to them, because I forget how well they actually know me but, then I remember that the connection that we have is much deeper than words.

I honestly thank God for writing. I thank God for writing every single day. I feel like through writing, I’ve found such a sense of self and have been liberated to be who I really am. I can finally use this voice that I had silenced inside of me for so long, out of fear of being misunderstood. Through writing, I can express myself in the purest form, and thats all I’ve ever wanted in life, in a career and in any friendship or relationship.

I had a guy this weekend sit with me and go on and on telling me about how much money I can make if I do this, or go into this career, or sacrifice this for this, for this many years doing this. And I was honestly so irritated and anxious, because life and happiness for me has nothing to do with money and I’m willing to make sacrifices for things, yes. But only for what I’m most passionate about, whether that be a person, a career, or a feeling. Otherwise, you end up following someone else’s path, and living someone else’s dream life. 

I know I said that some connections you just can’t be put into words. But It’s kinda like, have you ever heard your whole life in the lyrics to a song? If not, I don’t know if we’re  on the same page… 💋






How Does it Feel?

How Does it Feel?

I had my first therapy session today. This is something that I’ve wanted to do for years and it feels really good to finally be able to do this for myself. I feel like theres such a negative view of therapy and mental health in the world. Mental health is so important. The mind is a very powerful thing and it fuels so much within us. I feel like its a topic that is often unacceptable, overlooked and very easily dismissed. When I think about feelings and emotions, I think about how these are things we cannot really help or control at times. Sometimes when our emotions get the best of us we can’t even control our actions or our reactions. Sometimes we loose control and our mind starts affecting our body and spirt and frankly thats life, everybody has been through it.

I’m learning in life that you really have no idea what other people have been through or what they’re currently going through. It is so easy to wake up in the morning and put on the fakest smile to get through the day, because at the end of the day you know you have to do what you have to do survive. Some people don’t realize that everyones limits are different and sometimes you stop finding that inner strength that used to drive you, or your coping methods just aren’t working anymore, and things that happened in your childhood are finally starting to affect your adult life. It can get overwhelming enough to where theres nothing else to do but help yourself. I just don’t see why the idea of it all is so frowned upon.

After opening up about my situation and really seeing how supportive my family, my friends and my readers have been, I just want to say that if you need to help you should absolutely do that. Having a professional who is honest, unbiased, non-judgmental; who just listens to you vent and hears whats in between the lines of what you are really trying to express was the most freeing experience.

They do not react in emotion so you are able to get your point across at your own pace, without interruption of opinion or backlash. They don’t say things like, “don’t feel that way,” or “you shouldn’t feel that way” or you’re so this or that for feeling that way.” I wish I would’ve done this years ago, because you cannot help how you feel at times, and that’s the point. They help you get to the source of whats driving your deepest feelings or why you feel so deeply and intensely about a life event or situation.

So how does it feel you ask? I feel great! I’m all about healing so I think everyone should try it. My cousin told me today to do what’s best for you, when it comes to therapy trust the process and don’t rush the process. Trust it, don’t rush it. Thanks Liz, I like it. Good words to live by 💋.


Catfish in the Sea.

Catfish in the Sea.

This is really hard for me, but I feel like God is telling me to share my story.

I found out my boyfriend was a catfish almost 2 years into our relationship. Everything that he had originally told me about himself was a lie. He never graduated from college, he had no degree in Computer Science, he wasn’t a Geek Squad Manager at Best Buy, and when I got the eviction notice from our apartment I found out that he had never been paying our rent.

Every single day was a lie. I would get up and head to work during the day thinking that he was doing the same, but it turns out he would get dressed and act like he was going to work. When I’d call he’d ignore my calls and text me saying that he was in meetings, when really he was really just meeting his friends and chilling in the house having 2k tournaments all day long. Every time I took a personal day from work, he was also home so I started to figure out that he wasn’t really working, and when I found the button up shirt and work pants sprawled all over the floor with the buttons still buttoned and the pants still zipped, I knew he had just been staging clothes to make it look like he was just getting home.

I prayed to God one night and asked Him to expose what was really going on, but I wasn’t ready for how quickly everything was going to spiral out of control.

I was at work when the woman from the leasing office called me saying that we were being evicted for non- payment of rent for over 3 months. In shock, I called my boyfriend demanding to know what was going on, as he was the one who was in charge of making sure the rent was to get paid each month. Taken by surprise, he told me he would call me right back and disappeared for two days, not returning any of my calls or texts. On the second day, I found him sleeping in my car at 6am when I attempted to leave for work and to my surprise he acted like the receipts he had shown me for payment of rent weren’t fraudulent.

I found out that he had been stealing my credit cards and my personal information while I was gone working during the day to open up lines of credit under my name. He would sit around acting like he was trying to help me figure out who was doing this to me, he even went with me to the police station to file the police report when I when it was him all along. He would take my credit cards at night while I was sleeping to make purchases, withdrawal money from my bank account and steal my car while I was sleeping to make purchases. When confronting him about anything he would immediately become irate and try to guilt trip me and turn the tables onto me to divert the subject in any way possible.

After being evicted, I was forced to live with his parents for two months. During this time his parents kicked him out of their home. I had no choice but to continue to live with them while I tried to figure out what my next move was.  I was uncomfortable not being in my own space, I was confused as to how my life managed to get so crazy, I was heartbroken, vulnerable, and I was lonely.

I made the mistake of trying to forgive him. I swallowed a lot of my own anger and feelings of betrayal to try to see the good in him and to talk to him and bring him to Jesus. He convinced me not to trust his parents and talked me into coming to stay with at his grandmother’s home. And when I decided to move back to Richmond he bamboozled his way into coming to stay with me when his grandmother kicked him out.

I didn’t want him to come with me to Richmond. Moving back to where I came from was my way of trying to put this chapter behind me, get back onto my own feet, and try to move forward from this nightmare, but the good in me didn’t want to just leave him on the street with nowhere to go. But that’s what I should’ve done.

I had agreed to let him stay with me until March 4th, when he claimed that he would then go live with a friend in Atlanta. At this point we were in a situation-ship because I still had a 2 hour commute to Fairfax to work and I needed help driving and he needed a place to stay. When that date came and went I started to get really irritated that he stopped mentioning getting a bus ticket, claiming that he was waiting to get his ID from a friend back in northern Virginia so that he could be on his way. After a while I realized that this was probably all a lie. And even after I left my job in Northern VA and found work in Richmond, he continued to live off of me, sitting in the house all day long for months while I went to work every day trying to pay the rent, my car note, my maxed out credit cards as well as the debt to our old apartment on a waitress’s salary.

Nothing was really the same. I knew I couldn’t completely trust him. I knew he was a hacker and a fraud and that he was infamous for going through my stuff and shitting on me behind my back so I did my best to hide my personal paperwork and to change my passwords and PIN numbers. I was constantly on edge checking my credit monitoring and my accounts to make sure nothing had been opened up under my name. I felt so uncomfortable in my own home, and I knew that I couldn’t go on like this much longer.

We had finally started making a little bit of progress when he finally got a new license and social and I thought that maybe he really did want to change. But when I realized that even if he did secure a job that I just wanted to focus on myself and that I was tired of trying to help a grown man figure out how to get his life together, I expressed to him that I wanted some space from him and he completely lost his shit, and the real him presented himself yet again.

We ended up getting into a huge fight after I told him I didn’t want to be with him anymore. After deciding that I would stay with my sister for the night, I came home to grab some clothes for work, some personal paperwork and my computer and as I was packing my bag he was begging me to just sit and talk to him. When I refused he became completely deranged and violent. He refused to allow me to leave my apartment blocking the door with his body and bodying me every time I tried to approach the door. When I almost reached the door he grabbed me by the arms and pushed me up against the walls near the door.

He then drew a knife from the knife block near the kitchen door and proceeded to back me into my bedroom and push me onto the bed with the knife to my face. I managed to get up and get out of my room and he proceeded to push me onto the couch in the living room with the knife to my face threatening me that if I did not agree to talk to him that I would not be able to leave. He then began to turn the knife onto himself, threatening to slit his own wrists if I said that I didn’t want to see him again. He threatened to destroy everything of mine in the apartment and managed to steal my computer as leverage over me. I managed to call the police from his phone and to leave the apartment to meet the responding officer outside my building. But by the time the officers got upstairs to my unit, he had already fled the scene.

I knew that he could not have gone far with no car, no job, no money, no license and no social. I had an idea of where he could be, being that he only knows two of my friends in Richmond, but again I let the good in me stop me from giving the police his location. I also was trying my best not to get my friends involved.

In the following days, he began harassing me to retrieve his things from my apartment and when I refused he hacked into my social media, threatening to post porn from my account and to ruin me through my instagram account. During this time I managed to get into a fake email he had created and found all of the lines of credit he had been opening up under the name Grant Book.  A majority of the lines of credit were the same ones that had been opened up under my name as well, so thats when I was for sure that it had been him doing this to me all along. I screen shotted all of the emails and messages of him admitting that he used to “do this for a living,” and by time he was done with me I would “need a new name and face.” Yet again I had to go through and change all of my passwords and secure my accounts, lock my credit report, lock my stolen computer and block him on all social media accounts.

At this time I have no idea of where he could be and I now have to be on guard every time I leave my apartment thinking that he could be somewhere lurking around my neighborhood. When I come home I have to circle the block and make sure that I don’t see anything suspicious.

Its crazy to me, because even through all of the lies I keep feeling guilty that I’ve done the wrong thing by going to the police. But in reality, the person that I loved never even existed. I was in love with a fraud and a monster who took advantage of my constant love and kindness, of my nature of being caring and forgiving and my mindset that people are who they say they are.

I don’t know if he really had intentions of hurting me, but I could have been severely hurt or accidentally killed in this situation, and not too long ago a coworker of mine was killed in a domestic violence dispute. I kept asking God why he decided to put her into my life for that brief period of time, and I now realize that God was showing me what could really happen if I continued to be in a relationship with someone like this.

He is a womanizer, a con artist, an opportunist, a pathological liar and a fraud and for a long time I was too embarrassed and ashamed to tell anyone what I’ve gone through. Not many people know what I’ve been going through for the past few months, but I think its safe to say that this has been the worst, most emotional time I’ve ever been through. I feel like God spared my life so that I could tell my story and hopefully help anyone who has ever been through domestic violence or who is currently going through domestic violence.

Learn to recognize the reflags of abuse, here were some of mine:

Obsessive behavior, aggressive behavior, possessive behavior, lying, violating my privacy, going through my phone, going though my personal information, not respecting any boundaries, stealing, blocking numbers of his family members on my phone, giving me ultimatums, guilt tripping me, using things that I confided with him about against me, trying to break me down, trying to isolate me from my family, trying to isolate me from his family, not having a car, not having a steady job, always changing his phone number, anger, being secretive, not sleeping well, getting angry automatically when being confronted.

Its safe to say that my view of the world and of people is completely different now, and through this nightmare I have learned many lessons. While I continue to pick up the pieces of my life, its not going to be easy, but I know God knows my heart and will continue to provide for me and help me begin to take my life back. People always say not to worry about finding a man or a partner because there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but you need to also be careful because there’s also plenty of catfish in the sea. Take things slow, be aware, live separately until marriage, don’t have sex until marriage, look at who people hang around, recognize red flags, ask questions, don’t always believe what people tell you because some people in this world have no regard for the lives and well being of others.

I was naive to get catfished by someone off of plenty of fish where the only thing true about them was their name and face. Don’t get blinded by chemistry and someone’s ability to woo you and be charming, because sooner or later everything that is done in the dark will come to light.

If you are in a victim of domestic abuse, whether it be verbal, mental or physical abuse please get help. Odds are if there are things happening in your relationship that your ashamed to tell your family or your best friend then something is probably wrong. Don’t be ashamed to reach out and talk to a professional and never blame yourself for being a good person and being taken advantage by someone like this, because no one deserves this pain. I am choosing to tell my story so that I don’t become a victim, I refuse to become broken and hardened by this situation because I now know my worth and that I’m way better than this. I’m not ashamed to say that I am seeking counseling, and looking for ways to cope and to be happy again, as I should be.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800)799-SAFE




Avenue of Memories.

Avenue of Memories.

“I like cherry blossoms too, they flourish for a short time but are splendid and in a certain sense represent the fragility and the transience of life. For a moment, the picture in which you are walking and the trees, reminded me of my grandmother when as a child we were walking under the mimosas in bloom. At the end everything changes in life, from situations to people. Sometimes changes can be faster or slower, and sometimes they do not depend on us. I like your post and then it is as if you are walking in an avenue of memories.”


I received this comment one of my most recent blog posts When Blossoms Bloom.  At first glance I was thinking, wow this a really nice, reflective response filled with so much nostalgic energy. But it wasn’t until after rereading it again later on, more closely, I realized what the message in it really was. The idea of it was exactly what fueled me to get into writing my blog, because it had the energy I wanted my readers to feel.

The transience of life is something that I’ve been thinking about more and mores the idea of time. Just that feeling of getting older and realizing that time can be healing or damaging, or feel fast or slow, but you can never get time back. When you finally get to that age that you were always wishing to be as a child, begging to be even, and you realize that life isn’t exactly an easy thing to handle. And sometimes there are days when you wake up and miss the feeling of waking up feeling carefree on Saturdays and no worries on your mind. Looking back 20 years feels almost like yesterday, but then when you actually look around you realize that you’re a totally different person that has been tested, shaped and refined by life.

Life really is fragile in a sense, because nothing in this life is permanent. Every day I’m thinking of how I just want to go back to the 90s when all I cared about was Sunday night Skate 22, Rugrats movies, Pinho’s cupcakes and riding around in my mom’s old Ford Explorer in Roselle. And how I miss polaroid cameras and listening to Jon B. and Joe playing on the radio. I mostly miss how on those long rides to Cranford or Paramus, I used to always look out the window and watch the scenery and the trees flash by, just fast enough for my eyes to just catch the trees in their essence and their beauty. And now when I daydream I’m looking back, chasing this feeling of how can I get that feeling back? All thats left are the blurred memories.

I’m grateful for this message. I wanted my readers and everyone to read this and always remember that we should never take anything in life for granted, because things can change at any moment. The quote ended on the idea of this avenue of memories, and I love this, because I feel like at the end of the day thats all we’re left with. Memories of a time, of a song, of a feeling, of people. Whether we admit it or not, we’re all constantly longing for what used to be, but I guess to me that’s what reminiscing really is.

Thank you for this comment and to everyone whose been here reminiscing with me,  and encouraging me.



Sunshine Blogger Award #2

Sunshine Blogger Award #2

WOW I’m super excited to have been nominated AGAIN for the Sunshine Blogger Award! Big THANK YOU to RudyMariee from Visionsandgiggles, for giving me this opportunity yet again to get myself and my blog out there for some new readers and also a chance to find some new bloggers to nominate!

Reading through her lifestyle blog, I became immediately inspired, as she shares her stories of some of the battles that she has gone through in her life. What’s most important is that RudyMariee is not afraid to let her readers into her battles, and she courageously shares her journey of how she maintains and overcomes. She’s an inspiration to me as I am sure she is for many other readers, and I’m so excited to keep up. Make sure you stop by and check out her blog, linked above!


  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you in your blog post and link back to her blog.
  2. Answer 11 questions that the Blogger asked  you.
  3. Nominate 11 new bloggers to receive the awards and write them 11 questions.
  4. List the rules and display the Sunshine blogger award logo in your post on your blog

My answers to RudyMariee’s questions:

  1. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? In 5 years I see myself living in the city, or by the beach somewhere like Cali or NYC, working in PR/Mass Comm. I can almost see myself free lancing, but we’ll see!
  2. If you could change one thing about our current world what would it be? If I could change one thing about our current world, it would be Colorism within the black community. Its something that’s always annoyed me, and I’m so glad all shades of brown are starting to be appreciated. Finally.
  3. Why did you stat blogging? I started blogging because I feel like writing and getting my feelings out has always been something that came natural to me. People closest to me know that I’m pretty much an open book, but I never thought that this type of hobby was something that I could ever pursue as a career. I went to school for Product and Brand Marketing, and now I realize all I want to do is brand myself. So what better way? I heard in church one day, or no I think from Steve Harvey that we have stop pushing away the things that we are drawn to do even if it seems like it would be something silly. He said that’s how we know what it is that we should pursue. So when I think about writing, its the only thing right now that I can literally push myself to do for work without it feeling anything but exciting and rewarding.
  4. What advice would you give to new bloggers? For new bloggers my advice would be to BE YOURSELF! I think that the only way to find your niche and attract the audience you want is to let them see who you really are. Overcoming the fear of that was the hardest step for me, but now it feels great, therapeutic even, to let my readers into real stories and experiences that I’ve been through. It was when I overcame this that my readers really started to engage with me, and It pushes me to  want to keep writing.
  5. What is the most interesting or most unusual thing about yourself? I think that the most unusual thing about myself is that I’m obsessed with cleaning. I’ll literally make time in any schedule to clean something, no matter if I’m going to be late, and I’m sure it could wait until later, doesn’t matter. And its not clean unless its Anissa Clean!
  6. What would be your idea of a perfect day? My idea of a perfect day would be to wake up in a hotel by the beach, go out for pancakes and unlimited mimosas for breakfast, go for a nice bike ride along the beach, take a walk hand in hand on the sand, watch the sunset with some apricot blue moons, kick back watching Definitely, Maybe with some Haagen Dazs coffee ice cream? I’m all about relaxation, simplicity and romance!
  7. What are you most passionate about? I would say that I am most passionate about love. Everybody needs love.
  8. What are you planning to do differently in 2018 in regards to your blog? Though I started my blog up at the end of last year, this year I am planning to be a lot more consistent with posting, advertising and sticking to my schedule. I realized that I do actually have a lot of time on my hands which I could definitely use to work on my blog. Everyday for the past couple of weeks I work on my blog from 3:30- 6pm faithfully, I’ve stuck to my schedule. When I decide to post I set a deadline for myself, which is usually 6pm to get it done without distraction. I’ve also started to use social media to my advantage when I do put up a blog post, so that family and friends know its out there and can like comment and share also! So I want to keep up with this, because its been working great for me.
  9. Have you found anything in particularly difficult during your blogging journey? The one thing that I find is most difficult is taking time out to find new blogs to follow. It’s not as easy as it seems, just because it takes A LOT of time, but when I do stumble upon one its so rewarding. Even when you think you’re into a specific type of blog or writing style you could become captivated in a different type, because of a story they told or because something they said resonated in you.
  10. What kind of books do you enjoy reading? I’m somewhat of a hopeless romantic, so I really enjoy reading fiction love stories, those are my favorite. I used to really love Sarah Dessen and Nicholas Sparks books as a teenager, because that’s what they’re mainly about. I also like a good mystery, but still with some ounce of love in it. I haven’t had the chance to read for pleasure as much now as a young adult, but anyone who really knows me knows I’ve always loved to read and I really do get excited about a good, fresh, crisp book! (Psst..Drop me some authors!)
  11. If you could be anyone for 24 hours, who would it be and why? If I could be anyone for 24 hours, I’d probably be Carrie Bradshaw. Sex and the City is easily my favorite series, and I loved Carrie’s character in the show. She’s young, sassy, and stylish, and her guy is old and stubborn, but she tames him. I think that in some ways her lifestyle is alluring to me, she’s just writing her column, hanging with her friends and looking for love. Again, I’m a hopeless romantic, who loves the idea of love and plus who wouldn’t want to be 30 out in New York City, writing about it. I would!

Thank you for these questions, they really do get me thinking about life! Its been taking me some time to finish up this post for that reason, and also because I’ve been wanting to take time out to find some other bloggers to nominate!

My 11 nominees:

  1. Makupsy
  2. Rachel Clark
  3. Dreamfilleddaughter
  4. MyVicariouslife
  5. Rhapsody Bohème 
  6. Aphorisms 
  7. MakeupManiac
  8. The Godly Chic Diaries
  9. GracePaced†
  10. Pure Glory
  11. dynaxty

I honestly love all of your blogs, and I always enjoy stopping by to catch up and let you know you know my reactions to your posts!

 My 11 questions for you:

  1. What inspires you to keep up with your blog?
  2. What is your favorite thing to do on rainy days?
  3. What is your ideal profession?
  4. What are some things you have learned about yourself through blogging?
  5. Do you cook? What is your favorite dish to make?
  6. How do you feel about forgiveness?
  7. Cats or Dogs?
  8. Where is your favorite place to vacation?
  9. What’s on your playlist right now?
  10. Any advice you would give aspiring bloggers?

Thank you again to visionandgiggles for this nomination! I love responding to these posts and having the chance to share some of the really good blogs I’ve been following. Be sure to check them out!


Peach Lemonade.

Peach Lemonade.

As you grow older you start to look at things from a totally different point of view. You realize the things your parents probably went through, but shielded you from. You realize what a bitchy teenager you used to be. You stop dwelling on small things, because when you look at the bigger picture you know that there are many other colossal things to stress about. You realize what’s important. When you’re up in life you learn things. Things about life, about the world, about about yourself, about people. When your circumstance allows you to hit rock bottom, it changes you and you learn even more, but overnight.

I’m starting to think that at any age circumstance is life’s biggest teacher, and how you respond to different circumstances is an even bigger realization of your character and who you are becoming.  I’ve learned the most about myself through the worst situations, and right at the beginning of the year when everything is supposed to be peachy and sweet.

Life will not always be peachy, and if it was we’d never appreciate the liberation of getting through rough times. Now I’ve been sitting with this for some weeks actually, and I guess I was having a hard time putting what I felt into words, but I knew once I was ready the words would come and I’ve been looking forward to the moment when I could share some of the things I’ve learned so far in 2018.


I don’t think I’ve ever really understood the true meaning of being courageous until now. It seems like something you have to have to make it through scary situations, but there’s more to it than that. Encouraging someone is like instilling the will into them that they need but don’t have, so having courage is like instilling that same will into yourself. Courage is important, because at some point you’re going to be broken and the journey ahead is going to be foggy and uncertain, and that courage inside you is going to lead the way to get you through.


In Church I learned that sometimes we allow our negative feelings about something or towards something prevent us from moving forward. Feels are inevitable, but even if you feel hurt, angry or discouraged, feelings can’t kill you. There’s truth in this, because there are times when it really does feel like the way we feel during a situation is killing us when it’s too hard to bare. But sometimes you have to swallow your feelings at that moment or for how ever long you need to, to stay focused on what your plan is to overcome. Feelings will not kill you!


What are you willing to do for the things you want in life? What are you willing to sacrifice? What if you had to sacrifice your vices, your alone time, your comfort, your stability? Would you do it? You have to know your reasons to do what you have to do, and for you. Always.


I don’t know too many things about love, but the heart wants what it wants and it can be consuming. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, don’t be too transparent. Listen, reciprocate, empathize and support and never let your own emotions get in the way of hearing someone’s point of view.  Give and receive love, but never let your love be abused and misused. Love yourself first, foremost, and fully, no matter what it takes.


Sometimes its hard to accept the cards you’ve been dealt in life, even I’m guilty of being envious of things that other people were blessed to have and I wasn’t. I guess its only natural, but privilege in life doesn’t mean anything if you take it for granted rater than use it to your advantage. You cannot dwell on the things that you don’t have in life, because you’re given what you need in life. Whether it be money, material things, drive or ambition, you have everything you need inside of you to be all you can be.


I wasn’t raised in a church, but I was definitely raised to pray. I used to only do it because I was told to though, so I never really experienced the sheer power in prayer or the miracles that could happen when you stay faithful to God. I never knew the pure joy of deliverance, or the feeling of knowing that I’d been delivered until God was the only one I could depend on. I had never even experienced Joy, until I started to depend on God, and now I know that He always knows what’s in your heart. There’s peace and happiness when you find a Church you like, a gospel song that touches you or a bible verse that speaks to you. I’m proud that I have come to faith on my own and on my own terms, and without the pressure of anyone’s influence, because there’s beauty in prayer and spiritual awakening.


The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Our perceptions of what’s good for us always gets in the way and you can’t let perception blind your reality. When the road gets rocky, don’t always be so quick to assume that a decision that works well for the short term will also work well in the long run. Be patient, persevere, and learn to wait for greater chances for greater outcomes.


The idea of change used to be scary for me and its true that in the past dealing with change has been very uncomfortable, but through adaption comes evolution.  I’ve learned that you have to adapt to every situation you find yourself in. See the positive and the opportunities that change presents, because that’s the only way you’ll survive. I mean, even animals do it.

“I’ve learned the most about myself through the worst of situations, and right at the beginning of the year when everything is supposed to be peachy and sweet.”

There’s courage in strength, strength in sacrifice, sacrifice in love, patience in faith, adaption in privilege. In life nothing is ever guaranteed or guaranteed to stay peachy and sweet, but be fruitful when life starts throwing you lemons and just make lemonade. You have no choice!


Fear Not, Love Thyself.

Fear Not, Love Thyself.

You know our senses right, do you know the sense of self? I think maybe because this isn’t a sense that we are born with, but rather one that we acquire through life, that people forget that along with loving others we need to also love ourselves.  I think that fear of failure is something that is a result of failing to give ourselves self love, its something that has held me back from everything I’ve ever started.

“along with loving others..we need to also love ourselves”

The ideas of self- love and fear of failure have been coming up in my life so much lately, in conversation, in blogs, in Will Smith videos, so I feel like I want to share my thoughts about this. I was reading through a post from one of my favorite bloggers, Niki Meadows, where she shares an article written by wellness coach, Dona Winger. This article is so powerful, she talks about how remembering to love ourselves will allow us to overcome when we are facing the fear of failure. It got me thinking about the way these ideas have presented themselves and held me back my entire life.

Growing up I used to have some hobbies that I did really enjoy. I’ve mentioned before that I used to love dance, I used to cheer, I tried track, I played softball and I did gymnastics for like two months. I was really good at many of these, and going to be really great at a few a them if I hadn’t given up at the first sight of things starting to get hard. I quit dance, because starting pointe lessons was way harder than I thought, and required so much discipline and confidence. Track, because I’m to prissy to build stamina, dedicate myself to work outs, and too afraid of running like a girl. Gymnastics, because I didn’t like the thought of potentially hurting myself while learning to flip. The list of excuses really goes on, but overall I began to get so afraid to try and to make mistakes that I told myself that I couldn’t do any of these things. I placed this made up fear in my mind that I couldn’t do these things that I loved.


It really just followed me from then on, like when I switched high schools I didn’t want to cheer anymore, when I went to college I was so scared to try out for the dance team. Anyone who knows me knows that these were things that I literally used to live for and I could never figure out why I couldn’t push myself to do them anymore. It’s because my sense of self was totally lost and along with that went the loss of my own goals and aspirations, the loss of my ambition, the loss of my interests, all of the things that made me who I was.

What I failed to do was lift myself up and give myself the confidence that I could work through the hard seasons of chasing a dream, and instead I fed my mind lies that I just couldn’t do it. When I was frustrated, I failed to just relax, take a break, and give myself what I needed to regroup and recover from the hard days or from the criticisms. You have to give yourself what you need in order to get back into the swing of things when you get knocked down, because you will get knocked down! And the fear of getting back up cannot allow you to quit.

It wasn’t until I started writing that I really realized that I had this fear of failure, because it held me back from starting my blog. From the minute I ever picked up a journal as I kid it was always, what if someone reads this? And then later with my blog it was the same, what if someone reads this? what if they think this? What if that? But I began to make the conscious effort to stop myself when I began to tell myself that I couldn’t, and to rewind and tell my mind that I could. The mind is powerful and I knew that if there was one thing I wanted to go for and really wanted to pursue, it was writing.  I wouldn’t allow myself to go through life wondering what it would be like if I would’ve blogged, because I too often wonder what life would be like if I would’ve danced or got into competitive cheer. I had to put all of the fears aside, and let myself do what I love. If that means taking a break on days when I’m tired, or just holding off on working on a blog to unwind with a movie when I’m burnt out, I do it. I now do whatever it takes for me to get back up later, because I love myself and I never want to lose this sense ever again. In anything I want to pursue.

Yes, the fear of failure can stop us from all of those things in life that were worth trying, but could easily give up when given the opportunity. However, the fear of failure canNOT get in the way of going for what we’re truly passionate about. Sense of self is like our true sixth sense, it involves constantly loving ourselves and willing our minds so that it won’t allow us to give up.