A Rose is A Rose.

A Rose is A Rose.

I used to get all crazy about the idea of a man buying me roses, I couldn’t wait for the day that it would make me feel nice. Like the idea of someone thinking of me and buying me flowers, and leaving a note saying “just because,”  it’s cute you know?

Well, I buy my own flowers.

After all, a rose is just a rose. And I don’t even like roses. Yes, they’re beautiful in their essence, but they’re fragile and they die quickly. Their reign is short lived, just when you’ve started to appreciate their beauty, they’re gone.

Well I’m no rose, not anymore.

I’m more of a European Pompon, they’re my favorite. I appreciate them, they kind of remind me of me. I did some research, apparently they symbolize optimism and joy. It’s crazy, because that’s exactly what they bring to me. Their many colors are bold and vibrant, and just as you take your eye off of them for a second, they bloom.

Recently I was bringing up some flowers that I brought for myself, they were these beautiful green and white Euros. My neighbor passing by stopped me, expressing how beautiful the flowers were, and that someone must really love me to have got them for me. I smiled, and I told him I brought them for myself, I love myself. 💋

Autumn Blues.

Autumn Blues.

Hello October,

I’m so happy you came, you’re usually good to me. Your autumn breeze is crisp and fruitful and it brings with it a much needed abundance and prosperity. I hope this year is no different, because I’m starting to feel like I need to start over. I need to get back to doing everything I had planned to do before everything got out of control. If I could just pick up and leave tomorrow, I’d leave it all behind. My apartment, my car, my job, all of it, all tangible and easily replaceable. I heard all you really need is a dollar and a dream, people pick up and move away with nothing but the clothes on their backs all the time. They make it.

So what’s stopping me?

I have a weird attachment to this city, but it’s nothing more than that. RVA has always been the city I ran away to, the one I leaned on to escape from whatever I was going through, to be on my own and feel free, but now I feel shackled like there’s nothing here for me anymore. I feel like its finally time to move on. Remember in RVA Blues, when I said that this felt like the perfect place to start over? Well it was, the sun shined in on me every morning, and at night the moonlight did the same, and though tables have turned, I’ve still got the blues. I’ve got more of an autumn blues now I guess, my spirit is low, but the season is changing and I’ve got a bold, deep, longing for something new.

I’m just not sure if I’ll really be ready when opportunity comes knocking, I’m not sure if I have the courage to move away to a foreign city, and I’m not sure if my writing is really good enough to take me places. But, I believe it will. It’s time to ignite this fire within me.

In church this past week the pastor preached about being courageous enough to let the world see your light. Well I am the light, I’m just undiscovered and patiently waiting on that one opportunity that’ll change my life forever, my big break.

I’m hoping that it’ll take me away to some place where I can breathe more easily, where I won’t have to look over my shoulder. Some place where I can continue to move forward with my writing and begin to create something. I’m looking for a new city to adopt me, to  take me under its wing and cultivate me. I wanna immerse myself in a new vibe, try some new food, drink some new brews and collaborate with some new individuals.

I’ve got my eye on a city, can you guess it? I’ve been planting seeds there, I wonder if its where I’ll actually end up.

I heard too that the words I am have the power to change your life. Well if that’s true then I am a writer. I am busting out of this city! I am ready to embark on a new journey elsewhere. I am destined to be successful. I am here, with a purpose to change the world.💋

 

Quote

Winning Starts With Beginning… — When I’ m With You… Whitney Ibe Blog!

Happy Sunday!

And just like that the season has shifted.

Winning starts with beginning.

Let that sink in.

I enjoyed reading this today, it kind of went along with my theme for the week that you cannot give up no matter what. Even when you feel like every step you take goes in vain, each incremental step forward adds up to something greater. Keep moving forward, try new things, meet new people, create new experiences. Conquer the little steps and thrive off of the small victories you take.

I receive this Whitney, thanks for sharing with us. Everyone head over to Whitney Ibe Blog to read the full blog post, always one of my favorite blogs to feature. 💋

Winning starts with beginning…

via Winning Starts With Beginning… — When I’ m With You… Whitney Ibe Blog!

You.

You.

I was listening to some old Mary J. Blige today and it started hitting me so hard. Her music evokes something in you, you get a glimpse of her soul and all she’s been through. It kind of forces you to look inside yourself, and face your burdens, it takes me back to a place where pain resides. Maybe I need to let it go, maybe its hindering me from really moving forward and moving on. But I must say I’m still a little bitter.

I just wish I never met you.

I think everyday that I wouldn’t be here right now in this predicament, picking up all these shattered pieces of my world if it weren’t for you. I get even more angry when I think about how you just get to go back to your fake life before me, and pretend like all of this never happened. I wonder who you’re pretending to be now.

Last time I heard from you, you sent me a sorry ass email telling me how you’ll always love me and how I’ll always have a special space in your heart. I deleted it, because I don’t want a space in your heart.  In your toxic love. What I want are my chains back, the one my dad gave me and especially the gold one that I bought for your birthday. How do you even look still wearing it, a token of my love that you didn’t even deserve. Holding onto that little glimmer of hope that I’ll be back for you some day?

I won’t.

I’ll be glad if I never see your face again.

I agree, my reaction was very delayed. It took a while to overcome this sick attachment to you, and I was completely blinded by shock and pain. But my nightingale was no longer singing. Only thing left singing in the end was my battered soul, my broken heart and my tarnished mind frame filled with a long list of regrets, all initialed FD.

Ya know, I hope you sleep really well at night knowing you succeeded in ruining my life and everything I had going for myself. Was it my potential? Were you threatened by my potential? You’d prefer to have me blending in in the shadows, than unleash me and let me fly. Well you can’t keep a bird caged for long. I guess you got all you came for, and great you developed an attachment to me too. It was never love. It’s crazy, because I had never been chosen before, and you were real choosy too. I guess God chose you to be my lesson, maybe because everything felt too good to be true from the start so I should’ve known.

I think God sent some people recently to tell me not to give up, and not to give up on writing. I appreciated it, because I needed to hear it and I’ve been wanting to give up on everything. Lately its been feeling like every step forward leads me somewhere backward, somewhere I’ve been before, back to pain.

Thank you for getting me wrapped up in pain.

But you know what pain creates, and how pain creates? Pain creates masterpieces.

You, little boy in a man’s body, I hope you become a better man someday. I hope you learn how to treat a woman, how to cherish and provide. I’m leaving this here today, because I don’t ever want you to contact me again. I’m not even going to mention you again. Don’t worry all the photos are gone, and the hand full of good times doesn’t make up for the ripple effects of this pain that you sucked me into. I shouldn’t even have to say it, you know who you are.

 

Actions Speak Louder.

Actions Speak Louder.

I don’t think I could ever be with an actor. I mean, an actor can literally play the role so how would you know if they’re telling the truth? How would you know what character they decided to play for you?

I’m learning to spend more time getting to now the character of a person, because chances are if someone would do something fucked up to someone else, they’d probably do the same to you. I used to have the mentality that since I’m in a relationship with someone they’d ride for me the way I’d ride for them. And when I say relationship, I mean romantic or plutonic, because friendships are relationships too.

I’d assume it was a given, but sadly most people are just thinking of themselves in relationships. The decisions they make and things they do revolve around what’s convenient for them and they play it off like it’s all about us.

Hmm.

Character of a person is important. Certain character traits can tell you about a person’s values, morals, intentions. More importantly it’ll tell you how they will react in certain situations. Are they easily angered? Do they keep their word? Are they loyal?

I wonder what its actually like to date an actor, how do you know which character they’re putting on that day? I admit I fall victim to words. Even though actions speak way louder, I hold on to them while people just tell me what they think I want to hear. I admit I have a bad habit of taking everyone at face value and of expecting everyones word to be their bond. But I thought that’s just how it should be, right?

You know when certain actors play a role so well that you wonder if they’re really just being themselves? That’s scary. I learned that it can get a little tricky dealing with people who can easily flip their script and play a certain situational role, like easily playing Mr. Nice Guy with their shit together in company, but behind closed doors they’re crumbling and don’t have a clue of how to react when shit starts hitting the fan. I can’t deal with that.

I feel like courting someone is very important. You need time to learn their character, to let all their truths come spilling out like vomit, and learn who they really are behind closed doors. Their intentions and words should always be backed up by action.

Like, what character are you today?

💋

 

 

Wise Thoughts.

Wise Thoughts.

I read a good quote today, it kind of summed up everything I had already been pondering. Wisdom, and the importance of making wise choices and decisions has been on my mind lately, then it hit me. We need to surround ourselves with more wise individuals during our life journey. People stop by to give us valuable information every day, but the question is are we listening and paying attention?

I guess Ghandi found me today and left me with this, so here’s some words from the wise.💋

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

-Gandhi

Ode to 07065.

Ode to 07065.

Shout out to my city!

Feeling a little far from home lately. I’ve found myself on spur of the moment road trips from Va to Jersey twice now. It’s funny, because when I go I don’t really know what it is that I’m searching for. It’s more of a yearning for something, but it’s so far into my past that I can’t grab it anymore.

When I come home now, I kind of feel like I don’t belong. Maybe I don’t anymore, maybe my time there passed a long time ago; but its still a place that I carry really near to my heart. Each time I’ve left there recently, it feels like I brought back another peace of the old me. Maybe I just had to be reminded of where I came from. I’ve always wondered why I felt so uncomfortable here in VA, eyes are always on me like I’m a tourist. I guess it’s because deep down they know I don’t belong to Virginia, and they know I never will.

Where I’m from I believe everyone had potential. As many sports and activities that I threw myself into, they were always backed by people who really believed in us. I feel like even through school our teachers gave us so much support, they were always looking out for us and giving us opportunity to take ourselves to the next level. Like, what happened to that?

Never have I been somewhere where I needed to question the intentions of someone, or wonder if someone was genuine or if someone really had my back. We were taught how to support each other and lift each other up, how to be loyal and how to be down for the ride. These are the people who still inspire me the most today.

I remember when I first thought about starting my blog. I noticed that two of my old friends Ciarra and Bea both had a WordPress, and successful ones too. Other old friends breaking out as pageant queens, business owners, dancers, artists, athletes, designers. It’s crazy because you literally have people everyday moving away to places like New York or LA to chase their dreams. But what happens when you go 40 min outside the city? You find Rahway, NJ with all the stars right there, grinding and working to pursue everything.

It’s a funny story how I came to Rahway, but I truly believe that I was always meant to end up there. If it weren’t for some of the people I met, people who mentored me, and the connections I have gained I don’t think I would be where I am today.

So shout out to my city! We’re all grown up now and gone our separate ways, but I see everybody out here grinding, working so hard. I love seeing everybody doing well and chasing their dreams.

Never forgetting from where I came, love always.💋